21 replies to this topic

[Eaton]

Following on from the thread Separate or Joint Bank Accounts, it's clear that we all have different views on finances within a marriage/partnership and the next question is what makes a marriage work?

There are some couples who:

Say they never row
Say opposites attract
Do everything together
Are faithful
Have an open marriage
Know that the other partner/spouse has had affairs and ignore/forgive them
Swing

These are just a few examples. Without going into too many details (although you can if you want), what do you think makes your marriage/partnership work?

I'll start.

We are complete opposites who compliment each other, we seem to know what the other is thinking, we laugh and cry together. We argue (well I shout a lot), we talk about all sorts of things, we trust each other. We go out separately and as a couple and make time for each other.

The one thing that I could never forgive would be an affair.

[Fran]

what do you think makes your marriage/partnership work?

I suspect it's harder to generalise about this than the joint or separate bank accounts issue - individuals and couples vary so much, but it should be interesting seeing what people think. Here's my 2 pennyworth:

Marrying the right person in the first place!
Being the right person.
Love and care (not the same)
Forgiveness (or forgetfulness?)

And I'll see what else I come up with when I sleep on it/him!

Of course the question is just as relevant to those with a failed relationship; that may bestow greater insight into what works and doesn't, than an easy going couple who've been together for ages have.

[Alan]

I don't think any one thing can give the formula to a lasting relationship.

We have some outstanding arguments, but whilst upset at the time, we see it as a purging process, and the next day is a new day,
You need to agree that somethings just 'are' like it or not,
Avoid letting the children get you arguing over them, do it in private and have a united solution,
put up with family and don't let them criticise your partner, especially in their presence,
Let them have there way if it really doesn't cause you problems, or at least let them think they've got there own way,
Reassure them when they doubt themselves,

Too many always think the grass is greener elsewhere. and give it up to easy. Marriage is like the seasons, they change and you adapt to them, you learn to live with them an enjoy the best bits of each, rather than focus on the bad bits, live for the best bits and make them happen more often.

Been together for 27 years, although married for 25 this September, three kids 19, 19 & 18 where does the time go?

[David P]

Far too sensitive a topic to comment on without danger of seriously upsetting people.

[Speedy]

Have an open marriage

Swing

Shows what you have on your mind then

[Eaton]

Too many always think the grass is greener elsewhere. and give it up to easy. Marriage is like the seasons, they change and you adapt to them, you learn to live with them an enjoy the best bits of each, rather than focus on the bad bits, live for the best bits and make them happen more often.

Couldn't say it better myself!

Shows what you have on your mind then

Not at all, I believe in monogamy. I merely listed them as examples of what some people say makes their marriage work.

[Alan]

Couldn't say it better myself! :PNot at all, I believe in monogamy. I merely listed them as examples of what some people say makes their marriage work.

Why does speedy think it will be any different? If there is a fault in the relationship fine fix IT or quite, often can't be bothered.

[Speedy]

I'd give swinging a go but the mrs would have other ideas

[Alan]

I'd give swinging a go but the mrs would have other ideas

Usually means your not happy, but can't commit to a change, find someone equally unhappy and play.

[Speedy]

No i'm just a pervert

[Alan]

No i'm just a pervert

Does that deserve a reply?

[Frodo]

Following on from the thread Separate or Joint Bank Accounts, it's clear that we all have different views on finances within a marriage/partnership and the next question is what makes a marriage work?

There are some couples who:

Say they never row
Say opposites attract
Do everything together
Are faithful
Have an open marriage
Know that the other partner/spouse has had affairs and ignore/forgive them
Swing

These are just a few examples. Without going into too many details (although you can if you want), what do you think makes your marriage/partnership work?

I'll start.

We are complete opposites who compliment each other, we seem to know what the other is thinking, we laugh and cry together. We argue (well I shout a lot), we talk about all sorts of things, we trust each other. We go out separately and as a couple and make time for each other.

The one thing that I could never forgive would be an affair.

The answer to your question is a few simple words - Yes dear I will do it now........

[Fran]

The answer to your question is a few simple words - Yes dear I will do it now........

You sound the perfect spouse (assuming you do, as well as just say)!

[Alan]

You sound the perfect spouse (assuming you do, as well as just say)!

Something we all need to visit from time too time!

[K&P]

Coming in late, here.

I married in May. In my rookie/honeymoon phase, I would say:

Work.

Work makes a marriage work.

[Alan]

Coming in late, here.

I married in May. In my rookie/honeymoon phase, I would say:

Work.

Work makes a marriage work.

What kind of work?

[K&P]

What kind of work?

I'll check with my husband and get back to you....

but, seriously, it is work. It's hard to trust someone else with your life/heart.

[David P]

43 years today - we must be doing something right.

[Eaton]

43 years today - we must be doing something right.

David, I'm in awe of you.

Mr Eaton and I will be reaching 14 years in a few weeks, a long way to go to catch up with you and indeed both of our parents, mine 45 years in May and Mr Eaton's 41 years in July 2007.

[Alan]

I'll check with my husband and get back to you....

but, seriously, it is work. It's hard to trust someone else with your life/heart.

I think you mean what I think, you have to work at a relationship to make it work, I agree same as any business. It's 25 next month.

[raj v]

I think you mean what I think, you have to work at a relationship to make it work, I agree same as any business. It's 25 next month.

All very sound advice from everyone. There's a lot to take on board!
Nicola and I tied the knot last Sunday. If we have another get together soon I'll bring some pics.
We're off to Mauritius tomorrow!

[Fran]

All very sound advice from everyone. There's a lot to take on board!
Nicola and I tied the knot last Sunday. If we have another get together soon I'll bring some pics.
We're off to Mauritius tomorrow!

Congratulations and have a lovely trip.